This is a problem that affects so many young men in Kenya and the root cause varies from man to man.

Many men are right now walking around with an increased level of stress.

We are currently facing some harsh economic times,  no jobs, no money, and lots of family issues, all these things can eventually take a toll on your body.

When you are not in the right place mentally, it is almost impossible for you to be your best self during sex.

For other young men, performance anxiety comes from some deep-seated body image issues emanating from over-indulgence in harmful pornographic material.

You have watched a few blue videos on the internet and seen men lasting for hours and hours with a penile size that doesn’t even look real.

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Then you start comparing their performance and their size to yours and realize you are no match for that.

What this does is give you low self-esteem which in turn makes you anxious about your performance because you feel the woman expects you to perform in a certain type of way and in your mind, you know you cannot give her that.

And for a few others, performance anxiety might come from being too intimidated because you feel the woman is way out of your league so you overthink and overthink until you scare your own body into performing.

Performance anxiety is more common than you think and if you were to find yourself in such a situation, the first thing you should do is try to calm yourself down.

Do not panic, panic only turns the situation from bad to worse.

Try to relax, you could put on some music that uplifts your spirits or take deep breaths to calm your nerves.

Do not think about how bad the situation is, try to focus on the positives. She is there, she liked you enough to want to have intercourse with you, which means you are worth something.

Do not ignore the problem. Chances are if you back out without addressing the problem, next time it might happen again because you will be riddled with all these horrible flashbacks of this one time you could not perform.

Own the problem

So never ignore it. Instead, talk it out or laugh it off. Because what else can you do? Run out of there?

Own the problem. Make a joke about it and hope she laughs with you, not at you. It helps if she is a supportive and understanding partner.

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You could also focus on other ways to give the woman pleasure.

Don’t always need to depend on your soldier for battle. You can try other techniques like using fingers, the tongue, toys etc. to reach the same goal.

Again, your body could be communicating something with you. Maybe the relationship is going too fast and you don’t feel ready yet, maybe you don’t trust the woman enough to be fully comfortable around her, or maybe you know deep down that you do not love that woman enough.

In such cases, just take a step back and admit you are not ready.

Do not force yourself

Lastly, try to understand where the problem came from. If you are under stress, try to find a solution for that.

If it came from body image issues, go for therapy or something.

And most important when talking to a girl, refrain from making unrealistic promises.

High expectations mostly place you under a lot of pressure to perform and in such cases, chances of you disappointing her are normally very high.

Remember, always give yourself some grace. These things happen to almost every man at least once in their lifetime so be kind to yourself.